Today I turned 38. I can’t say that I feel like I’m 38 (I feel a bit younger) but I’m definitely starting to take in how quickly my time on earth is going by. It’s made me really question and deeply think about what do I want to do with the time that I still have.
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had a lot of naive dreams and ambitions. The future was always positive and bright and I had a sense that one day, I would make them all happen.
But life moves on, one day after another, and doesn’t stop for anyone. “One day” dreams continue to shift in to the future. And then suddenly you’re in your mid thirties having a crises about not having chosen the right career path or achieved anything you deem to be significant. At least that is how it feels.
I know I’ve achieved a lot. I’ve worked on big projects, I’ve got an amazing family, I own a beautiful house, I get to travel and explore Africa and I live a really good, privileged life.
Still, I have this gnawing feeling every single day that I lack purpose in my life. I’m living life to survive, not to thrive. I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse but I’ve always felt, from a young age, that I’m here on earth to make a difference to the world in some way.
I thought the path for me was a software business. And because I built a unique set of skills in software and business, it felt right that I should start a software business. Except every attempt was a grind. Just look at the past few posts on this blog and you’ll see me trying to convince myself that this is the path I should be on and push through. The passion was never there. The ideas I worked on were not aligned to my interests and I needed to be real with myself about it. I was working on ideas to make money and not to fulfil my purpose.
So after 38 years of life, I’m focusing my 39th year on figuring out my purpose. Rather late than never right? Working on my passions, exploring options, reading, learning and trying to align my vast array of interests in to something that I can show and make a difference to the world with.